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A Banned CRIBB: It appears that Electronic Arts has a disdain for achievements, which seems to be clearly indicated by
your often use of glitched, and impossible to obtain achievements. Any truth to this allegation?
EA Canada: There is some truth to your statement. We do hate achievements, but not for reasons that you may think.
People tend to think we hate achievements because We did not think of them first. This is highly inaccurate.
As our developmental record will show - We NEVER think of anything first. We just bully the small time
developers, steal their ideas, and pass them off as our own.
The real reason we hate achievements is because we can not profit off of them. In a ideal EA world, There would
be 100,000 achievement points in every EA game. If you want a achievement point - it would cost one dollar per
point. Simple and fun for the customer, yet profitable for EA. Everyone wins.
Under the current policy demanded by Microsoft we have to spend our own money to include free
achievements. This means we pay some Indonesian peasant $1.25 a week to code achievements into all
of our games. When a game makes a profit of $50 million but you have to deduct $2.50 to $5, that really hurts the
bottom line and pisses us off.
A Banned CRIBB: Because of your hatred for achievements, have you ever intentionally created a achievement you know
would anger your customers?
EA Canada: (roaring laughter from EA employees in the background along with five straight minutes of high-fives
and fist pumps). Do we really have to answer that stupid question? Isn't the answer more obvious than finding
Waldo at a nudist camp?
We pride ourselves on injecting our anger into our achievements. Frustrating our loyal customer base is one of
the more satisfying aspects of our job. We even have a contest for the person who creates the most
asinine achievement. The last winner was the guy who created the three almost impossible to get
Title Belt achievements in Fight Night Round 4. Absolute brilliance! He won the most generous
bonus we ever handed out at EA, a $10 gift card to Chilli's restaurant.
A Banned CRIBB: Why do you shut down your servers so frequently? Do you have any intentions on bringing a server back
if there is enough customer demand for it?
your often use of glitched, and impossible to obtain achievements. Any truth to this allegation?
EA Canada: There is some truth to your statement. We do hate achievements, but not for reasons that you may think.
People tend to think we hate achievements because We did not think of them first. This is highly inaccurate.
As our developmental record will show - We NEVER think of anything first. We just bully the small time
developers, steal their ideas, and pass them off as our own.
The real reason we hate achievements is because we can not profit off of them. In a ideal EA world, There would
be 100,000 achievement points in every EA game. If you want a achievement point - it would cost one dollar per
point. Simple and fun for the customer, yet profitable for EA. Everyone wins.
Under the current policy demanded by Microsoft we have to spend our own money to include free
achievements. This means we pay some Indonesian peasant $1.25 a week to code achievements into all
of our games. When a game makes a profit of $50 million but you have to deduct $2.50 to $5, that really hurts the
bottom line and pisses us off.
A Banned CRIBB: Because of your hatred for achievements, have you ever intentionally created a achievement you know
would anger your customers?
EA Canada: (roaring laughter from EA employees in the background along with five straight minutes of high-fives
and fist pumps). Do we really have to answer that stupid question? Isn't the answer more obvious than finding
Waldo at a nudist camp?
We pride ourselves on injecting our anger into our achievements. Frustrating our loyal customer base is one of
the more satisfying aspects of our job. We even have a contest for the person who creates the most
asinine achievement. The last winner was the guy who created the three almost impossible to get
Title Belt achievements in Fight Night Round 4. Absolute brilliance! He won the most generous
bonus we ever handed out at EA, a $10 gift card to Chilli's restaurant.
A Banned CRIBB: Why do you shut down your servers so frequently? Do you have any intentions on bringing a server back
if there is enough customer demand for it?
EA Canada's headquarters.
The staff members of A Banned CRIBB decided to take a trip to our neighbors to the North, and ask EA Canada some questions regarding their bullshit.
We will avoid all the traditional Canadian entertainment like baby seal clubbing, penguin bowling, praying at the Church of Celine Dion, mounting Mounties, and more.
Our mission, as representatives of the United States is to get answers. If we don't, a war could break out between our two countries which could last as long as 15 minutes before Canada surrenders. (Note: Canada was colonized by the French. Surrendering is in their blood.)
We will avoid all the traditional Canadian entertainment like baby seal clubbing, penguin bowling, praying at the Church of Celine Dion, mounting Mounties, and more.
Our mission, as representatives of the United States is to get answers. If we don't, a war could break out between our two countries which could last as long as 15 minutes before Canada surrenders. (Note: Canada was colonized by the French. Surrendering is in their blood.)
Girl of the month Arianny
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April 26, 2011 A new article is 'Sony Network is definitely offline indefinetly'. In the NEWS section.
April 27, 2011
A new entry is 'Fashion for assholes.' In the BLOG section.
May 5, 2011 A new entry is 'Gameshow Videos.' In the BLOG section. May 10, 2011 A new entry is 'Weekend at Bin Laden's'. In the BLOG section. May 18, 2011 The newest entry is 'Far Side Comic strips'. In the BLOG section. |
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