What NBA Players are doing for income during the lockout.
The current status of the NBA season is looking bleak. Despite frequent negotiations the owners and players have been to be unable to compromise on a deal that will allow the NBA season to begin. While this impacts both parties involved, the players are especially impacted as basketball is the only source of income for most of the players.
Without a paycheck, many players are looking for employment. Most NBA players do not have college degrees so they have to take jobs that they are capable of doing. Pictured below are some jobs that NBA players are currently employeed at during the lock-out.
Without a paycheck, many players are looking for employment. Most NBA players do not have college degrees so they have to take jobs that they are capable of doing. Pictured below are some jobs that NBA players are currently employeed at during the lock-out.
Allen Iverson knows balls. Maybe it is from his successful NBA career dribbling basketballs around opponents. Perhaps it is from the after game showers he shared with his teammates. Whatever the reason, Iverson wanted to put his knowledge of balls into a new career as the lock-out put his hopeful return to the NBA on hold.
Iverson also wanted his new career to reflect the gangsta lifestyle that he is infatuated with. Nothing is more gangsta to Iverson than Poodles so he combined his knowlege of balls with gangsta Poodles to begin his Poodle grooming business.
"The poodle balls I clip are gangsta fo sho" says Iverson proudly of the signature look he is known for giving his Poodles. "First, I like to shave my bitches, and then I put my balls all over them." Iverson continues "I take these bitches straight from the hood to Westminster"
Tyson Chandler recently revealed a secret as to why he is known as a top notch defender in the NBA. "I get up real close to my opponents" says Chandler "Everyone thinks it is because I am so aggresive on defense, but the truth is I get up close because I just love the smell of sweaty armpits." Chandler says he keeps a diary of his favorite armpit smelling encounters. "Tony Parker is one of my favorites" Chandler says with a wide grin. "He has very hairy armpits, like a French women, and the long hairs tickle the inside of my nostrils when I breath in. I love it!"
Chandler decided to parlay his love for armpits into a new career. He signed a one year contract to become an odor tester (armpit sniffer) for Right Guard deodarant. When the NBA lock-out ends Chandler says he may not return. "Life without the NBA really stinks" Chandler says with a wide grin "And I absolutely love it!"
Chandler decided to parlay his love for armpits into a new career. He signed a one year contract to become an odor tester (armpit sniffer) for Right Guard deodarant. When the NBA lock-out ends Chandler says he may not return. "Life without the NBA really stinks" Chandler says with a wide grin "And I absolutely love it!"
Dwight Howard is now a crew member at McDonalds. I will talk briefly about each picture above.
Picture with Red Wig. - This is supposed to be Dwight Howard dressed as Ronald McDonald. I did a horrible Photoshop job on the picture and the only thing I find amusing about the picture is how fucking terrible it looks.
Dwight serving food - Dwight almost did not get hired at McDonalds. He failed to meet three major requirements that McDonalds demands in all of it's employees. Dwight does not have a serious acne problem, he speaks English fluently , and he has never been incarcerated in prison.
McDonalds car - Dwight wanted to give his clean image a gangsta makeover by "pimping his ride". He failed miserably.
Dwight laying on restaurant counter - Knowing what is in McDonald's secret sauce was just too much responsibility for Dwight to handle. Dwight laid on the counter and was motionless for so long people that began to mistaken him for Hasheem Thabeet.
Picture with Red Wig. - This is supposed to be Dwight Howard dressed as Ronald McDonald. I did a horrible Photoshop job on the picture and the only thing I find amusing about the picture is how fucking terrible it looks.
Dwight serving food - Dwight almost did not get hired at McDonalds. He failed to meet three major requirements that McDonalds demands in all of it's employees. Dwight does not have a serious acne problem, he speaks English fluently , and he has never been incarcerated in prison.
McDonalds car - Dwight wanted to give his clean image a gangsta makeover by "pimping his ride". He failed miserably.
Dwight laying on restaurant counter - Knowing what is in McDonald's secret sauce was just too much responsibility for Dwight to handle. Dwight laid on the counter and was motionless for so long people that began to mistaken him for Hasheem Thabeet.
Chris "Birdman" Anderson - shit collector. Hey, someone has got to do it, and Anderson is the most qualified candidate for the job. Anderson obviously does not keep his NBA job because he is valuable to his team on the court. Anderson's real value to the team is his bathroom sanitation skills. On any given night, but especially Burrito Tuesday, the toilets are bound to be clogged in the players locker room. Everyone relies on Anderson to unclog, and clean the toilets. It is a thankless role on the team but one that Anderson joyfully accepts. "After years of unclogging toilets after my teammates, I can say I definitely know why they named our team the Denver Nuggets".
Steve Nash - professional garden gnome.
David Stern - idiot for hire. Without the NBA, most players will be able to find work. The only person associated with the NBA that nobody will hire is David Stern (the NBA commissioner). In the past decade the NBA has experienced two lock-outs that have canceled NBA games, a referee scandal, and a poor business model that resulted in major financial losses for some owners. While there is no substantial proof, we also suspect that David Stern is responsible for the devaluation of the American dollar, the war in Iraq, world hunger, and discovering Justin Bieber. He led a multi-billion dollar league yet McDonalds would not hire his ass to salt their fries.
Have you read the NBA Player Fund article yet?
Click on the picture to the left to check it out!
Click on the picture to the left to check it out!
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