I did research on all the toys in this article and can attest to the fact that they are all REAL. (with one possible exception - the Superman blow-up doll may be fake). You can thank me later for giving you such wonderful Christmas ideas!
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Buy this game if: You just can not get enough of picking up dog shit around the house and yard.
Edit: We just bought this game from Amazon. (It has yet to arrive). Details and possible videos in the near future.
Buy this toy if: You are Liberace, MIchael Jackson, or a pedophile with not enough candy to lure in real children.
Buy this toy if: You want to encourage your child to become a gay, porn star.
Buy this game if: You do not believe that Mr. Bucket is a demon from hell, who will likely posses your child.
Buy this doll if: Magic Explosive-Diarrhea baby is sold out.
Buy this toy if: you are bored of having your Star Wars guys hump Princess Leia.
I actually purchased this toy a long time ago for my son. He owned it for a year before we "discovered" his weapon. While we were playing with a variety of his action figures, the chest cavity of Punisher opened exposing his "missile". There was a immediate, and uncomfortable pause in the room. Although he was between 5 and 7 years old, even he understood that his toy should not have something that resembles a huge, erect penis.
After a minute or so of disbelief, I snatched the toy up, seperating it from his other toys that did not have a penis. I was unsure what I was going to do with it. Around this time period Maxim magazine had a monthly feature titled "Unintentional Porn", and I mailed the Punisher to them believing I had a good chance to win the top prize of $250. Maxim never featured the Punisher in their publication, acknowledged my submission, or worst of all, they never returned the toy to me.
Buy this toy if: You want it to be the centerpiece on some unappreciative, dick-headed, Maxim editor's desk.
Superman has many superpowers, but you have the opportunity to discover another one of his favorite superpowers when you play with this doll. Stuff, Hug, and Play is an appropriate name for a doll that looks like a sex toy.
Speaking of blow up sex toys - At a birthday party for one of my friends years ago, someone bought him a female blow up doll as a joke, which they took the liberty of inflating. As we all sat around his deck reminiscing of the past while drinking some beers, his young son, maybe 4 years old, came outside with the naked blow up doll. It was a hilarious site to see a child carrying a blow up doll bigger than him. What made it more entertaining was the child's refusal to separate from the naked, blow up doll. He threw a fit if we tried to take the doll from him.
Buy this doll if: You accidentally punctured holes in your overused inflatable sheep.
Judging by the shape of this toy, Dora the Explorer is apparently wanting to explore new territories.
Buy this toy if: WTF?!? My girlfriend just ordered three of these. I never knew she was a fan of Dora.
Funtime Fuzzy Box
Feel the fuzz! While I enjoy this toy, I prefer my Fuzzy Boxes shaved.
This is the second bad toy on this list that I actually bought for my son. Somehow, I overlooked the unfortunate name of this toy when I originally bought it.
Buy this toy if: You prefer the box you stuff your junk in to be natural.
Two Finger Squirter
I do not have much to add to this. I think the picture and title of the product explain everything clearly enough.
Buy this toy if: One finger is not enough, but three fingers is just too much.
My big book of Pretty Pussies
The misleading title is sure to be a disappointment to many who ordered it. This is one book with pictures of pussies you will not find under a teen's bed, with the pages stuck together.
Buy this book if: You are into bestiality.
E.T. Finger Light
Should they toy description read "Grows when pressed" instead of glows?
How this flesh colored, phallus object made it to the store shelves is one of toy production's greatest mysteries. Even if you get past the fact it strongly resembles a distorted penis, what possible fun could a kid have with a light on the end of a finger?
I can say with much confidence that when I was a child this toy was not on my Christmas wishlist. However, I am not very confident that if was not on my mother's Christmas wishlist.
Buy this if: You want a dildo that glows in the dark.
Unlike the other toys featured on this page, there is no sexual innuendos for the Bling Teeth. This toy was chosen as a bad toy because it allows kids to portray themselves as a pimp, thug, or drug dealer. (I hate to use stereotypes but is there really anyone with real bling teeth who is a positive role model?!)
Buy this toy if: Your budget will not allow for the gold plated Glock pistol with hollow-point bullets your kid really wants.
I have had a lot of feedback regarding bad toys. Some people informed me about other bad toys on the net and I have included some of their awesome suggestions here. Thank you all!
Inappropriate Slide Thank you - Ed S.
Harry Potter Vibrating Broomstick Thank you - Roger C.
The picture to the right is an actual advertisement picture for the product. If that image is not bad enough, then take into consideration that this long object that goes in between your legs also vibrates. Now you have a good understanding of why this is such a bad toy idea, and why some teenager girls thought it was the best toy idea ever.
The Broomstick was quickly taken off Amazon, probably because of the customer reviews that were posted. Click on the link to a site named Methodshop.com to see reviews that were saved before Amazon took them down. Click -> HERE <-- to read the real reviews for the Broomstick. They are quite funny.
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