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Tissue Abuser - Girl of the Month August

7/29/2011

7 Comments

 
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The August Tissue Abuser Girl of the month, and for the ladies I feature pictures of the manliest man I know of.
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Click on any picture to enlarge it.  Use the arrow icons after clicking a picture to quickly cycle through all the images.
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I need to take a shower.  Not because It has been a week since my last shower and my body now has a slimy film, and strange crust encasing it.  I will tell you why I need to take a shower.  It is because I feel like a dirty, old, man.  The pictures above of the gorgeous Kate Upton, that we are all drooling over, are pictures of a teenage girl.  You see, Kate Upton just recently turned nineteen years old.  So yeah, I feel a little creepy featuring her as the Tissue Abuser of the month, when she probably used tissues just a few years ago to stuff her bra in junior-high school.
 

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It's Britney bitch
This is not the only time I felt weird by finding a younger woman attracted.  In January of 1999, the then seventeen year old Britney Spears showed off her midriff in the video for the hit song Baby... One more time.  Many men of various ages, including myself, were attracted to the sexy singer.  This attraction would fade away years later when Britney shaved her head, fell out of shape, and became the white trash, psychotic, girl she was destined to be before the record contract.

So is it wrong to enjoy looking at photos of Kate Upton, Britney Spears, and other young women?  To quote a famous line from the movie Dazed and Confused  "That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age".   Being a pedophile is cooler than ever!



  

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The following girls were all seriously considered for Tissue Abuser - Girl of the Month, but ultimately not chosen.  I have listed out two reasons why each were considered (which is really two reasons why I would have sex with them), and two reasons why they were not ideal candidates.


  

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Kim Kardashian - Socialite, Bearer of large ass, Proof talent is  
                                             unnecessary to achieve fame

Why? 
            1)
Even though she is a annoying, media hound who rose to  
                 stardom by doing nothing she is still really hot.       
            2) Who cares that Kim is beautiful, famous,and is worth
                 millions of dollars?  I want what every man in America 
                 wants from her - Free Skechers! 

Why Not?
            1)
She has "entertained" more black men then B.E.T.
            2)
Her ass is the bigger than Cowboy's Stadium, and has 
                 been visited by just as many athletes. 

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Casey Anthony - Likely murderer of her own child, Pro-choice advocate

Why?
            
1) If you were to get her pregnant, you know you will not have
              to pay the full 18 years of child support.
            2) With all due respect to Charles Manson, she is much better
                 looking than the last murderer you dated. 

Why Not?
            1)
She has plenty of annoying habits like talking with her mouth
                 full, snoring, leaving the T.V. on, killing innocent children, etc.
            2) Likely candidate for Dancing with the Stars is a turn-off.


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Gabourey Sidibe - Star of the film "Precious",  Lover of all things fried

Why?
            1)
She is big, black, and beautiful.  (Ok. 2 out of 3 is really good)
            2)
She is a movie star. (No.  That was not her in Free Willy.
                 No. She was not in Big Mamma House).

Why Not?
            1) She is so fat, she orgasms gravy.
            2)
The loud, beeping noise that goes off when she "backs that 
                 ass up" is a distraction in the bedroom.


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Jamie Eason

June

Click picture to see Jamie's past feature.

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Arianny Celeste


July

Click picture to see Arianny's past feature.


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I attempted to be fair to the many female visitors, and gay men who visit this site by featuring a Man of the Month for them to lust over.  Some of you did not take me serious, and insist I am deliberately putting pictures of unattractive men, or pictures of men you can not see because they are obstructed by some object that you claim I Photoshopped in front of them. 

Like a prostate exam given by Shaquille Oneal, these accusations hurt.  I promise this month will feature the manliest man I can find.  I know you will enjoy it!  Here are the previous Eye Candy Man of the Month winners.
  

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Lyle Lovett

June

I thought you ladies, and gay men would enjoy pictures of this man.  But apparently what is good for Julia Roberts, Miss Pretty Woman, is not good enough for you!  What next?  Do you think Marc Anthony is not good enough for Jenifer Lopez?  Seal for Heidi Klum?  
 

   

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Alexander Skarsgard

July

A reader, Jo-Jo, chose this man and I humbly obliged her.  Apparently gremlins, beautiful women, and even a nasty piece of shit were all in the photos with Alexander "ruining" the photos. 

I apologize for altering the photos of Alexander.  It will never happen again.  :)

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 I appreciate feedback of any kind.  It's how I know my work is appreciated.  Please leave comments, Rate this article, and most importantly click the Facebook Like box to share this article with your Facebook friends.  Thank you.
 
7 Comments
touchdown
8/1/2011 10:36:45 pm

She's ok!

Reply
Josie
8/21/2011 04:08:53 pm

To prevent YOU from picking YOUR favorite the man of the month for September(like aug and june) I will Vote for Ryan Gosling!

Reply
RocknRon
8/22/2011 09:44:30 pm

Ok. Josie, so far you are in the lead. It looks like it may have to be Ryan Gosling. PLEASE - someone else make a suggestion!!!! Don't let Josie Win!!!!

Reply
Someone who is not Josie
8/22/2011 09:48:08 pm

I suggest you do not feature Ryan Gosling. Feature whatever you want. I'm sure the ladies will love it!

Reply
RocknRon
8/22/2011 09:50:59 pm

Great suggestion by the person named - someone who is not Josie.

Ok, so right now it looks like this.

1 vote for Ryan Gosling
1 vote for whatever I want

In the event of a tie, I get to choose the suggestion I want right??

Reply
Someone Speaking for Ashley but not Josie
8/24/2011 11:41:59 pm

I think it would be great to have Ryan Gosling as Man of the Month! I know my guy Ron Loves me enough to do this for me!!Great idea Josie!!!

Reply
Chris Moore
8/30/2011 03:22:41 am

i have to say this is a cool website!!!!!

Reply



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    A Banned CRIBB

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