This is a work in progress.  Not yet complete.

Electronic Arts (EA) is leading innovator in the video game industry, continually finding creative ways to fuck their customers.  

EA's marketing strategy is to piss off as many gamers as they can, and thus far they have been very successful in this endeavor. EA has a long history of fucking its loyal customers with such innovative tactics as shutting down their servers,  unattainable achievements, online pass, and more. 

However, gamers have become complacent, and just except the fact that EA is going to fuck them somehow.  Realizing this, EA desperately needed a fresh new way to upset their loyal customer base so they introduced the Season Ticket.
  

The Season Ticket is a recent, desperate attempt by EA to scam their customers into paying for something that is useless. 

EA claims the four features of the Season Ticket justify it's ridiculous 2000 MS point  price. 1) You get to play their shitty games a whole three days early.  2) You get a 20% off discount on EA's overpriced DLC  3) You get to access "Premium Web Content" which essentially means "You get Shit", and finally 4) You get a badge that lets everyone know you were one of the assholes stupid enough to pay for the shit.

The Season Ticket's release has been subject to harsh criticism in the industry. 

Many loyal EA customers ,who have happily accepted the fact that EA will fuck them year after year, are starting to feel the pain of their loyalty.

EA listened to this criticism seriously, and to soften the blow of their money-grubbing tactics have decided to release EA LUBE.  

EA LUBE will ease the pain of EA constantly fucking you. It will come in two sizes.  The economy size (12 oz/ 340 grams) is meant for people who own only one EA game, and the regular size (55 gallons/ 208 liters) is highly recommended for everyone else.  The cost has yet to be determined, but will certainly be overpriced.  The shelf-life of the Lube is like EA's servers.  It will expire in under six months.

What do you think of EA?  Post your rage filled thoughts in the Comments section.  If you enjoyed this article then spread the word by clicking LIKE on the Facebook, or Twitter box to share it with your friends.  You can also rate the article below.
  

 
Your current gamertag is stupid.  Anyone that listens to you can tell by your squeaky voice that you are not a Assassin, Killer, Sniper, Hitman, or a Ninja, so remove any of those titles from your Gamertag.  You are afraid to stomp on a spider, you wear Pokemon pajamas to sleep, yet you somehow still consider yourself a badass?   

Anyone who has MONEY somewhere in their gamertag does not actually have any money.  There is no exception to this rule.  You are Broke as a Joke.  Quit pretending you are some kind of Baller, Pimp, or Thug who earns their money on the streets.  You are a broke ass who begs his mom to buy you Microsoft Points, and to get you a Happy Meal at McDonalds.

You are not fooling anyone by using Lethal, Deadly, or Fatal in your Gamertag.  The closest you have ever been to being Lethal, Deadly, or Fatal is when you eat too many burritos in a greasy Mexican restaurant which causes you to butt burp (fart).

Try to be original.  How many damn Spartans, or Master Chiefs are there in the XBOX community.  If you do not know I will tell you.  The answer is - too fucking many.  Do no try to be clever by adding a few letters to the beginning and ending of your name. (Example - Xx Douchebag xX).  This just makes you look  Xx Stupid xX  and very   Xx Unoriginal xX.

Castle Crashers, Splosion Man, and a World of Keflings sequels revealed!

     
  

Three of the most popular XBLA (XBOX LIVE arcade) games are developing sequels.  Because of their success it was inevitable that greed would compel their money-grubbing developers to make sequels to these games.

One of the most successful XBLA franchises, Splosion Man,  is preparing to release a pair of sequels.  The first sequel is titled Ms. Splosion Man and it is set to hit the XBOX marketplace on July 13, 2011.  Ms. Explosion man is a highly anticipated title and has received some added buzz in the industry due to it's 'Two Girls, One Controller' game mode.

However, the sequel that everyone is talking about is Transvestite Splosion Man/Woman.  This game incorporates the best of Splosion Man and Ms. Splosion Man into one awesome game.  Being a transvestite sure has it's advantages!  (But you already knew that).

Here is what people are saying about Transvestite Splosion Man/Woman.

- I love the One Girl, Two Balls mode. 

- Transvestite Splosion Man/Woman is one Hot mama.  Or hot Man. 
   Damn it!  What the fuck is that thing anyway?

-  Super Meat Boy would be forced to change his name if he seen what           
   Transvestite Splosion Man/Woman is packing. 

Being a knight in a medieval universe can be a royal pain in the ass.  lt seems that the King is always having his prissy daughters captured by some evil wizard or witch.  The King then expects the Knights to travel dangeous lands, risking their lives to rescue those unappreciative bitches.  If they defy the odds and succeed in the rescue their reward is often some shitty ceremonial sword that the Knights will sell on E-Bay for a few dollars. This lifestyle of a Knight gets wearisome.

Sometimes a Knight just wants to chill out , relax, and grab a tasty burger.  That is the concept behind White Castle Crashers, the sequel to the massive hit, Castle Crashers.  No monsters, evil wizards, or travel through dangerous lands.  Just a few smoked-up Knights on a quest for a delicious meat patty that is steam-grilled on a bed of onions, served hot on a soft, white, steamed bun with a single slice of dill pickle.

     

A Turkish Prison Cell for Keflings is the third installment of the best selling Keflings series.  The first Keflings game, A Kingdom of Keflings, was the first arcade game on the XBOX that allowed you to use your avatars as playable characters in the game.  The second Keflings game, A World of Keflings, was similar to the first but gave you multiple kingdoms to explore.  These games are both characterized by their adorable graphics, harmless gameplay, and the perfect, cute world in which the Keflings lived. 

However this cute world was just a mirage used to cover the Keflings true, dark reality,  The obscene amounts of money and fame the first two games brought the Keflings became too much for them to handle.  Their lives quickly spun into a  downward spiral that was riddled with drugs, prostitution, violence, and MTV.  Frequent parties at Charlie Sheen's mansion, unprotected sex with Lindsey Lohan, and jumping into the ball pit at Chuck E Cheese were just some of the outrageous and uncontrollable things the Keflings would do.

Their troublesome ways would eventually lead them to be incarcerated in a Turkish Prison.  Their former perfect life replaced by a dark, and cold dungeon, horrific conditions, and torture.  This Turkish Prison is the setting for the third Keflings game, A Turkish Prison of Keflings.  The goal in this game is to keep your avatar and Keflings alive as long as possible while maintaing a false sense of hope that you will soon be released from prison.  Starvation, cutting off various body parts, and other inhumane acts of torture are fun for the entire family in A Turkish Prison for Keflings! 

  
   

Please COMMENT about what you like/didn't like.  When you post a comment it makes us web site creators feel appreciated, and knowing that all are hard work is not in vain.  If you really enjoyed it, use the Facebook Like box to share the article with your friends.   I sincerely thank you.

The Most anticipated game in the console industry is releasing two incredible Special Editions. Click READ MORE (below).

Video game new releases have been following a trend that is growing progressively larger.  This trend is to release different variations of the same game, traditional and special editions.  Traditional games are simply the game and the case.  Special editions contain bonus content that varies considerably for different games.  The demand for Special editions has grown drastically in the past few years.

Special edition games have evolved in recent years.  Special editions used to contain a small amount of extra features like a bonus dvd, comic book, or a metal case.  They progressed further with the inclusion of toys, like plastic figurines and plastic vehicles from the video game world. However, the demand for exclusive gaming memorabilia has reached new plateaus. 

Gears of War 3 recently announced that they are releasing a special edition Gears of War 3 that includes a 3 ft. long retro Lancer.  (see picture on the left. Click to enlarge.)  Not to be outdone by it's gaming rival, Call Of Duty is preparing to release two Special Editions that every gamer is going to want to buy.

Warning: Playing video games is not something many woman find appealing, but most can accept it.  But if you goal is to ensure that you never see a grown woman naked, then play with plastic guns, style your hair to resemble a red rooster, and wear mascara. 

   
Activision is releasing three varations of the top franchise in all console gaming, Call of Duty. Modern Warfare 3. 
1.) Traditional Version
2.) Prisoner of War. Special Edition
3.) Super-Special Edition.
Each variation comes with unique content, and we discuss what is included with each variation in detail below.
  

Exclusive Coupon for readers of AbannedCRIBB!!!

The super-Special edition is going to be priced at $55,000,000 U.S. dollars.  We know that the world economy is still in a recovery process so hopefully this coupon can help offset some of the cost of purchasing the game.

Activision is only releasing 250,000 Super-Special editions so get yours soon before they are all sold out.







   

There is no denying the collasal sucess of the Nintendo Wii.  According to some sales figures, Nintendo is the far leader in the console wars with over 86 million Wiis sold, easily outdistancing the XBOX 360 and the Playstation 3. 

The fact that the Wii has become a pop culture smash has many people scratching their head in disbelief.  How did a console without high definition graphics,  a laughable online system, and a library of over 1000 games that play exactly the same become such a sucess?   The answer is simply - the controller.

Nintendo's strategy was unique when developing the Wii .  Instead of trying to create a system with the most raw computing power like consoles traditionally do, Nintendo opted instead to target a specific demographic of people - the non-gamers.  Nintendo chose not to compete with the harware specifications of its competitiors, because non-gamers are not enamored with technology like hardcore gamers are.  So instead of power, Nintendo focused on uniqueness which came in the form of motion controlled play.

With a powerless console, and a quirky gimick in that of motion control, Nintendo needed to create a remote that non-gamers would be comfortable with.   Trying to develop something that would be familiar to everyone, Nintendo created the Wii controller to look like a remote control.  The controller was not intimidating to the non-gamer, and became widely accepted.  The Wii controller can be credited with much of the Wii's success.  Nintendo understands the importance of the controller and intends on making the next console controller as revolutionary as the Wii's.

Nintendo had many concepts for the Wii controller.  One that was widely accepted was the "Frying Pan controller" targeting women (see picture above). Realizing that times have changed, and most women do not know what a frying pan is, the concept was scratched.  A more modern and familiar idea for women, the "Micowave controller" was also considered.

Many televisons were broken when Wii controllers slipped through peoples hands (see picture on left).  Apparently the fatties trying to lose weight while playing Wii fitness games should wash the butter from the popcorn and grease from the fried chicken off their fatty hands before playing. 

Nintendo knows first hand how important a controller is to the sucess of a console.  With the new Nintendo set to be released in 2012, the industry is excited with anticipation on how the new controller will look and function.  Nintendo has officially announced that the controller will have a touch screen and dual analog sticks.  They basically want to incorporate every function possible.  

The Sony network has been offline for over a week due to a external intrusion that may put user's personal information at risk.  Playstation users are outraged at the possible compromising of their information and a civil action suit against Sony may follow. Playstation users are upset about their credit card information being exposed, but are much more concerned with the embarrassement of being identified to the public as owning a Playstation.

Before the Playstation Network can go back online, the network infastructure will need to be redone for security and service.  Sony has stated it has the best resources available working on fixing the issue. (This resource is a large man named Ted who works part time for Best Buy's Geek Squad computer service).
Click on the READ MORE (below, right) to continue with this article.

Sony has maintained that its network is far superior to that of XBOX, but after this incident questions concerning their infastructure have been raised. Sony adamently defends their infastructure,  which is literally comprised of  massive amounts of tin cans and string.  

Sony has marketed its online service as a better option than Microsoft's Live because it is free, where Live charges a subscription fee.   But apparently even if something is free, it can come with a price.

Don't believe the Sony hype! Examples of how something FREE comes with a price

1) That prostitute in Cabo San Lucas who gave you a "freebie".  Remember how she said that scab was "just a cold sore?"  She lied, and now you have Herpes.
   2) The friendly, purebreed Pit Bull that your friend gave to you because he was moving to a no-pet apartment.  It shit mountains on your carpet, pissed on your pillow, and it may have eaten the neighbors two small children. 



  

"Does this controller make my face look fat"

In Seattle, Washington a judge ruled in favor for a defendant who was accused of throwing a controller at his girlfriend, which became lodged into her forehead.  The accused, Roger Clemenstime, pumped his fists triumphantly as the verdict was read, while the courtroom audience erupted into celebration.

The incident occured at Roger's home on Febuary 3, 2010.  Roger and Jenny Bench, his girlfriend were planning to spend the entire day together.  While Jenny was brushing her teeth, Roger thought it would be a opportune time to play some XBOX.  Ten hours later, Roger was still playing the XBOX, and the incident that would become a landmark court case would shortly follow.
Click READ MORE below to continue reading this article.

According to courtroom transcripts after the tenth hour of Roger playing XBOX Jenny became impatient.  While Roger was concentrating on finishing the end of a level, Jenny asked him a few questions.  Testimony at the trial stated that Jenny said  "Hey honey, are you almost done with the game?  I am hungry", and immediately followed it up with another question "Roger, why don't you finish that game tomorrow? It's my birthday today and I want to go somewhere."

The questions that Jenny asked Roger caused him to lose his concentration, and ultimately he failed to pass the level.  Roger became enraged, yelled explesitives at Jenny, and then through his XBOX controller at her.  The contoller was thrown with such force that it became lodged inside Jenny Bench's head.  The police were called and Roger was charged with Aggravated Assult.

The subsequent trial was instantly catapulted into the national spotlight.  Video game players across the country eagerly awaited the decision.  Roger Clemenstime would be found innocent.  The judge ruled that Jenny provoked him, by asking him questions as he was trying to finish a level.  The judge further reprimanded Jenny for not supporting her man in his pursuit to finish the game.  He was quoted as saying "I have been on this bench for 26 years, and had child molestors, murders, and drug dealers in my courtroom.  But you Ms. Bench are the worst human being I have ever come across.  You're no Princess Peach.  You make me sick just looking at you."

Today Roger has a new girlfriend and is living a happy life.  Meanwhile, Jenny is now incarcerated for 30 years in a maximum security prison.  After the trial, the state prosecuters immediately convicted her of three counts of harrassment, obstruction of gameplay, and stalking.  She was also ordered to pay $49.99 restitution to Roger for the damge she caused to his controller.